Author Confessions

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October 26, 2020

I am freaking out. When I realize I am stressing and don’t know why, I take a few minutes and think about everything going on in my life. Yes, coronavirus is still as frustrating as ever. Yes, there are a few things in the back of my mind that give me a constant low level of stress. However, my anxiety spiked and I’m not sure why.

After running through all the possibilities I realized it’s because I am about to share not only the book trailers I made for Princess Claus and the Great Escape, but also because I am about to share the music video. It seems like about a month before releasing something into the world I start second guessing my creation. 

  • Is it good enough or should I keep working on it? 

  • Will people hate it? 

  • Why am I torturing myself with sharing this?

I am a perfectionist, however, I learned my art (writing, photographs, graphics, videos, etc.) will probably never be perfect. Sometimes I just need to share it when it’s good enough. 

Yes, I am sure some people will hate it. That’s okay. (At least that’s what I tell myself!) If someone hates the majority of what I share, that person is not my target audience. Or maybe there is a flaw and the person points it out. Then I can fix it, and that’s a good thing.

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I love not only writing, but creating graphics and videos as well. I would still do all the creative things I do even if I never planned on sharing them, because making them brings me life. However, I do not believe everything should be shared. In therapy I learned the value of writing down your thoughts or speaking them out loud (even just to yourself). I’ve shredded, burned, or erased some of the hurtful things I wrote so the person it was about never saw it. Sometimes I just needed to vent. 

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Most of what I produce today doesn’t fall into the venting category. I created it for the purpose of sharing. It would be easier to hide my projects or only share them with family and close friends. However, I don’t want fear to be the reason why I don’t let the world see what I can do. I pulled from my memory decades old information I learned in film class. I collaborated with talented friends who helped make the videos not only possible, but also much better. 

When I think about sharing the Princess Claus book trailers and music video I still have that pit in the bottom of my stomach. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe it means I’m doing something I’m passionate about. It means I’m challenging myself.

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I’ll take the constructive criticism and throw out the hate. I’ll get thicker skin. Hopefully down the road there won’t be such a struggle to share. If there still is I’ll keep reminding myself being creative is part of who I am. I’ll keep reminding myself that in sharing my creative projects, others will be encouraged to do the same.




Haunting Happily Ever After: Audio Ghost Story

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Sophie loves being a new ghost. It means never having to go to school or do any more chores. The only downside is never getting to have a date with her crush, Evan.

Spending her first Halloween haunting turns out to be more fun than she expected. That is until she discovers just how dangerous haunting can be.

Haunting Happily Ever After: Audio Ghost Story
JL Gillham
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Click play to listen (above left)

or download (on the right)

Written by: JL Gillham

Narrated by: Vanessa K. Eccles, the host of the podcast Fabled Collective

https://www.fabledcollective.com/